I wanna Love ~ I cannot Love

sounds weird huh? what I actually mean is that I feel empty sometimes and I wanna be in a relationship. I want to hug or to feel the warm of the guy I love when I feel down or "cold". I know I can be in a relationship any time by now. and I know who loves me and who really cares for me. but I can't fall in love. I know all the reasons why and I know all the consequences. I'm trying my very best to avoid feeling love for guys. sometimes I failed. but I continue to avoid and ignore it. it's hard. it's difficult. and it sucks. I know I shouldn't think about it or even avoid those feelings because of some reasons. but it's hard. I can't fall in love with none-christians. it's not that I don't want. it's just that I'm not allow. I know I'll face a lot of pressure from a lot of people. but lately I feel something for a guy and... I just can't do anything. I can't do anything at all actually. I'm not anybody who looks good or with a nice personality. ok, guess I just found a reason to avoid this feeling again.
I wanna go for it. I wanna fall for it. but those who actually confessed are those who don't even know me long enough or well enough. that's funny. really funny. as I said before, I'm desperate. but I can't fall in love. and I know that I'm still rasional enough to control myself and to avoid puppy love. that's a good thing, though.

I love guys who really love me for me. and i appreciate it very much. try to touch me deeper. maybe I'll fall for it one fine day... and may that guy be THE ONE for the rest of my life. Amen~