Frustrated

Mei Yee wasn't happy with her brithday party yesterday. I knew so, from that very unpretty expression on her face. thankx to Thong and 2 others of his friends. but she just called me up and said that I have something to be blame too. I'm sorry.

I too, was really unhappy yesterday. besides because of Thong and those few, the aches of my stomach and head made my mood even worse and more emotional. Thong sensed that I was unhappy. He kept asking me what's wrong but I was just wasn't in the mood to say anything more and so I kept on denying. to relax myself, I walked away for a while. later on I found them missing. so I went searching for them. I had a little chat with Thong. then I became even more upset and dissapointed. He knew it and the only thing he did was kept on appologize. that's not what I want to hear. He became so down and dun really know how to deal with it.

at night when we chat and settle about this, he told me that he's really afraid to be the bf he used to be and treat me badly till I won't have the freedom to do anything I want or I love. the same personality as J. I'm seriously afraid. but I told him, as long as he's conscious about the way he acts and how he treats me, he's still in an OK condition.

it's been quite unhappy for the both of us for the past few days. This is not good. I'm starting to think about so many things. at the same time, assuring him about many things too. one thing I admit, is that I'm not 100% into this relationship. it's not that I'm not serious about it, I just don't wanna get hurt so deeply this time. If I ever get dump one day, I know that I can stand up quickly and walk on. That's my intention of staying rasional with a conscious mind. I'm a love fool no more. boyfriend will never be the most important thing in life for me anymore, but the Lord Jesus. yes, I'm religious. or else, I won't be who I am today, for I won't come to salvation.

I'm really sorry for Mei Yee. she actually didn't invite them, but Chui Pik who did it. I was really surprised when Thong told me that he's invited but Chui Pik didn't tell me or Mei Yee. I knew it when Thong himself told me and Mei Yee knew it when she asked about it herself. it's not that Thong and the other 2 fellas are not welcome, but they just won't behave a lil. they seem so... not-belong in the party, just being quiet at one corner. especially Q. Mei Yee also told me that they didn't even greet her Happy Birthday. I'm feeling so bad about it right now. I rather ask them to ciao home. I did, actually. never mind...

I don't know how will Mei Yee and Chui Pik settle this. Do I want to know? I don't know...