Just want to feel better

A day with Carley is absolutely a day with myself. My old self. It was definitely a time to throw things behind and have a day out. Sing K, shopping and walking aimlessly.

But the true heartache came back at night, when we head back to Miharja and went to mamak with Thong. He was cold. Cold enough to stop every connection there's suppose to be between us. Not even a look in the eye of each other was make. All I could do was to sit in the middle of the both of them and hear them joke and laugh. That's the heartbreaking point.

Yes, I am possitively absolutely seriously jealous. and NO, I am not trying to control over whether he is suppose to laugh or not. Is it hard for him to even talk to me? YES! talk to me! HE NEVER SAY A WORD TO ME AT ALL! What's more with giving me a smile? How am I supppose to feel? alright? NO WAY! This will never be alright. Who am I now? I don't think people could even tell that we are actually an item!

What's wrong with me? Is asking for a call a day too much? Or is giving him a call a day just to hear his voice and to make sure that he's alright is overprotective and disturbing? Is asking to go out for a date too much and tiring? Is having a dinner outside the house too much to ask? Is asking him to treat me a lil better with a lil more love is as though an mission impossible?

We're having a diseas. It taste awfully bitter. It attacts so cruely, I just can't stop washing my face with tears almost every single night. The most extended ankle of my smile is currently 180 degrees.

No! I don't want thess. I don't want a sms with only 4 letters every morning. I don't want the usual silence between us. I don't want all these.

I want a lovely warm sms every morning like how we started at the first place. I want a hug and a desperate kiss everytime we meet like how we used to. I want the concern call every now and then just to ask whether I've taken my lunch or dinner, like how we used to. I want a conversation every night just to care for each other, like how we used to.

Yea... I want everything back, like how we used to have them at the first place.

It's true about the saying: You don't know what you miss until you lose it.

I don't need drugs to kill this diseas. I need magic. twinkling wonderful magic.

Today is our 16th month Anniversary. Can I ask for a better day?